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Noppakao angel leelasorn reviewer denise rq. Not long ago. A 13 year old girl asked asked me how she should come out as bisexual in her class.
Other kids had the word dyke as an insult and it made her angry and nervous about coming out. I teach kids about gender and sexuality and she asked me what i thought itd happen if she did decide to come out i wanted to tell her that everything of course was going to be ok. That she didnt have to be afraid of anything i wanted to tell her that the world we live in would treat her with the same respect that she was asking for i couldnt do that because when you step out of the closet as she was planning to do you step into a world.
Where the fear of hate crimes. Bullying physical emotional sexual and verbal violence are something you are going to have to get used to even. If youre just a 13 year old kid whose first crush happened to be another girl today.
I want to tell you how we can make the world. A safer place for the people who are forced to come out of closets. When you step out of a closet.
You step onto a table you become visible because everyone else is standing on the floor. You disturb the idea of what is a normal way of walking around in the world. When im up here my body my identity become visible.
Because everyone else is always standing on the floor. Once i talked to another kid. He was 8 years old he asked me a question.
I have answered a lot in my life are you a boy or a girl and i decided to tell him the truth. I said i dont really know but when you talk about me you can call mehe. Then he said ok and started to talk about something completely different.
And small kids are nice that way they have a very rare ability to meet and accept you what you are they dont force you to come out of the closet because they dont even know what the closet is made of and kids dont stay that innocent at some point. They learn to do what we all do they form expectations and start making prejudgments about other people and they dont get it from nowhere. They get it from the adults in their life.
They get it from us and if everyone was like the 8 year old kid the girl. I met wouldnt have had to be afraid of coming out of her closet. And she wasnt the only one in her classroom having a rough time trying to navigate in the very narrow space.
We callnormal her table was made of a sexuality that deviates from the norm. Where everyone is straight another kid in her class was also standing on a table. He couldnt read as well as people expected him to a third one was angry because people made racist remarks about him his table was the color of his skin.
Another kid got bullied because she didnt look like what we see in fashion magazines. Her table was the size of her body and all these. Many many tables have one thing in common they deviate from what we consider to benormal and when you step outside of normal you risk trouble.
But the trouble was never the color of your skin. The size shape or ability of your body. Who you fall in love with or whether you can read or write.
The trouble isnormal the trouble is normal telling you that because you are not normal. You must be wrong. And my point today is quite simple actually who you are what you like what you look like is never wrong.
And luckily very few people walk around telling others they think other people are wrong. And theres only a very few who commit hate crimes or act violently towards people breaking with norms. But violence is not just the stones thrown at two boys kissing in the street or the racist fist that hits people of color violence is also when we put people into categories and boxes violence is when we try to force someone down from a table or when we shout at them that they are wrong because theyre not standing on the floor violence is when we do harm with the expectations.
We dont even know that we have let me tell you about my table. The one i walk around and also stand on today. My table is made of gender and of breaking the norms.
We have about boys and girls and from the moment. A child enters this world we put it in one of the two boxes. Weve created for understanding gender based on certain body characteristics.
We decide if a newborn is a boy or a girl and usually the first question someone ever ask about you is about your gender. Is it a boy or a girl. And i find this first moment of life kind of absurd actually because the person were talking about the baby cant talk yet.
It cant think it cant see it only just took its first real breath. How on earth is a baby. Suppose to know what gender feels like you cant ask it if it could i think the reply would be something like relax about the gender stuff.
I havent had time to figure this one out yet this shows that gender in our society. Is not something you get to choose. Its something that gets chosen for you and from this first absurd.
Moment of life you will have to live up to the expectations of the gender. Youve been given and i think we all know the stereotypes about girls. Liking pink and wanting to be princesses about boys liking blue and wanting to climb trees about girls being more capable of showing emotions and boys being all tough and strong and from a first glance.
These expectations can maybe seem innocent. But take a closer look and ask yourself what it is we are teaching our kids to do with the cliches that exist in the choices. We give them the movies they see.
And what will meet them in kindergarten and in school. We put them in a system of expectations. And we demand that they live up to them in order to be considered real boys and real girls and when they failed to do so we even correct them.
We say stuff like girls shouldnt talk that loud its inappropriate boys dont cry toughen up. Why dont you wear more clothes to show what a pretty girl you are why dont you like playing outside with the other boys from where i stand real boys and girls dont exist. The only thing.
That exists is our expectations of what real boys and girls should be like and we dont even know how many we have until someone failed to live up to them. When i teach kids about gender and sexuality. I always ask them the same question can a boy wear a dress kids today are supersmart and recognize a stupid rhetorical when someone asks it and then they reply of course a boy can wear a dress then i ask what would happen if a boy wore a dress in your classroom.
And the reaction is always the same they all start to laugh. Now i dont think they laugh because its funny. I think they laugh because they dont know what to do with themselves.
We have taught our kids so well how its possible to look like when you are a certain gender. That when someone fails to live up to it they freak out when i suggest that we think dresses are for girls because of the norms. We live by and do it by standing on a table like ive been doing today then they freak out again.
And if they are having a rough time watching me doing this try to imagine how they react to their friends and classmates doing it bullying doesnt just come out of the blue and it doesnt hit random people expectations and especially the ones. We have about gender is a lot to handle when you are growing up and trying to figure out who you are what you like it creates noise that makes it difficult to listen to your own feelings and emotions. I was lucky growing up with a parent who didnt force me into the box that i was born in because of the gender.
I got assigned at birth. I was supposed to like dresses and have long hair. I was supposed to like the name my parents chose for me and feel comfortable when people refer to me asshe orher.
I was supposed to be a girl because my body was considered a girls body when i was able to express that i wanted something else that i felt something different. I was lucky enough to be supported. I have learned to stand on even enjoy my table because this is who i am.
But im still learning to deal with the hate the danger and the unfair treatment that comes with this particular table. According to the world health organization being transgender is still considered a mental illness and the danish health care system. Doesnt treat transgender people.
With the same respect and dignity that so callednormal people get they treat us like wrong. People. And ill people freaks incapable of making a decision about our own bodies they ask us to fit into their categories of gender and when we fail to do so they deny us treatment normal is power and power can be used to oppress if we dont respect other peoples choices on the streets.
I experienced another kind of oppression than the one i get from the danish health care system by now i have started to expect stupid comments and fits of violence because i have lost count of how many times. Ive seen it happening to me and my friends simply because of the way we look who we are and what we like for me. Its a paradox that the choices.
I have made with my gender identity have made me feel safe in my own body. But less safe in the world. I like the view from my table.
But i dont like the hate the violence and the unfair treatment that comes with it so what i said to that girl whos afraid of coming out of the closet. Because she realized she also had a table she needed to learn to stand on its the same thing. I want to say to you today trying to be normal is not going to make anyone happy why spend your life trying to fit yourself into narrow boxes always living up to other peoples expectations when you could spend it being yourself.
It takes a lot of work to get rid of the noise of expectations. And it takes a lifetime of work to keep them away. But from where i stand.
Its worth the effort because you cant fuck up being yourself. But you can get really fucked up trying to be normal seeing people limiting oppressing themselves with normal makes me sad. But when they start doing it to other people i become angry i find it extra sad when i see this being done to kids because they didnt get to choose their gender sexuality.
Race or the body. They will have to walk around with and i say we start helping them some more we start helping them to learn to listen to what they feel we support them when they want to express these feelings and we stand up for them when they get in trouble with normal when they get in trouble with expectations theyre breaking as adults. We have a responsibility to pass on a better world than the one we have created today because this is not good enough.
I want to one day be able to promise a kid coming out as gay as lesbian as bisexual as transgender as any other norm breaking identity that they will meet nothing. But respect support and understanding. But before i can do that before any of us can do that i think we need to take a closer look at the expectations we carry around with us.
I want you to ask yourself do i have any assumptions based on someones gender their sexuality their race their body any of the other thousands of categories. We forced people into if you think about it youd probably find you have a lot because this is the way youve navigating in the world. But i want you to think about if you are doing harm with the expectations you have are you forcing your own definitions of right and wrong onto.
Other people are you telling others to be normal that norm. Exists is a fact that is not going to change and im not saying that i want to believe it is possible to live in a world free of norms. But i do believe we can approach norms in a way that could make it easier safer for people to stand on tables.
This is going to take a lot of education and also a will to relearn what that 8 year old kid who didnt care about my gender was an expert in and that was not forcing people out of closets and into boxes. But there are two small things you could start doing today that could make a huge difference. The first thing is dont make assumptions try and ask open questions instead one of the most common ways of forcing people out of closets is asking questions in a way that boxed them for example.
When you ask about someones love life try to do in a way. Where you dont assume everyone is straight. Because everyone is far from straight.
Ask about partners instead of boyfriends and girlfriends. This method also translates into gender. When you talk about someone even if you know what they look like try not to assume you know what gender they are identify with because until you ask you actually really dont know dare to ask a question like hey.
What pronoun do you prefer or maybe. What pronoun does your friend prefer. This is not easy.
And its going to have to take some getting used to and some helping each other to remember it and thats why the second thing you can start doing. Today is to expect to be corrected. If someone on a table is ever brave enough to correct you by saying hey by the way.
I actually prefer you calling meshe. Nothe or maybe. I dont like the words you used to describe people of color.
Then dont go into defense try to listen to what the other person is saying say thank. You i will do better next time. Its difficult to break with old habits and even more difficult if you didnt know you had these habits already.
But why not seize the chance to learn something new of getting a glimpse of the view from someone elses table from this table. Normal is a system of oppression. Where expectations keep you away from being yourself.
When you tell others to be normal. When you try to be normal. You oppress when you start questioning what normal is when you start asking what the closet is made of when you put yourself on a table.
When you refuse to always live up to other peoples expectations. You start setting yourself free you start fighting a system of oppression. Instead of being part of it im standing on a table as i always am.
But next to me could be another table that could be your table. It could be be your kids table. What is it made of if you look at it what makes you different when do you get in trouble with normal when are you a freak.
We all have tables somewhere in our life. So why not help each other learn to stand on these tables instead of throwing rocks at the ones who do thank you applause. .
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