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Applause are we gather all right the topic of my talk. Today is life is is tragedy to those who see it but a comedy to those who feel it a comedian is a product of a lot of adversities a lot of miseries depression toxic relationships. If you may and that whole amalgamation turns us into what we become a clown.
So and the worst part of being a comedian is whenever you meet someone new. They always say oh youre a comedian tell me a joke to which i respond. Oh.
Youre a government employee. Can you be unproductive for the next 40 years. So im gonna explain to you how i have dealt with all those things and how i was able to see the life the way i wanted to see it to which which i called post mortem of a clown.
A lot of students between the age 12 and 25 write to me that theyre depressed and they hate their lives and theyre suicidal and worn art to which i laugh sometimes like being emo. But i always tell them one thing. No matter where your life is right now.
Its only a chapter. Its not the story and looks very legit applause. You know it looks very legit when you add your name at the bottom.
Its like somebody said something so im gonna take you through my journey and bore you because im entertaining you a lot recently so my parents fell in love they fell in love in 97. We do although they were married in 1971. Because thats how long it takes for a couple to fall in love when theyre arranged right and i dont know why why they call it arranged marriage.
I think it should also be called even arranged marriages are love marriages. When a boys parents fall. In love with the girls parents.
So. We had a typical middle class family. My dad had a business.
He was a coal merchant. Which was big business back in the 70s and life was good in 1983. I was born i was fourth of six kids half a dozen siblings because we didnt have internet back then applause and my parents were bored so we kept happening anyway.
I was i was a different kid. I had different tastes than other kids as you can see im playing with her doll or maybe. Its like its a typical desi parenting.
Where they try to instill the idea. Which ever since youve born that one day youre gonna settle with a girl we choose so this is actually brainwashing happening right there i was always inquisitive. I never succumb to conformity.
I always used to question things why does this happen what purpose does it serve when my kindergarten teacher said the wheels on the bus go round round round. I said is it first law of motion or seconds. Theres been numerous studies around the world where they tell that whatever you teach your kid during the first 5 years that shapes their personality and i remember my mom always taught me this one thing every night before i sleep.
She would she would say music applause. Which when i turned 16. I presently out of the bitumen it goes that ive seen.
Ive learned various combinations of famous be receiving an award is going to be not for my fashion sense. So things were good. I didnt want it this period of my life is bright for people where i learned something evil her life.
I remember one night my dad came back home first and he was very upset and i was eavesdropping niggers. Im a decent a so my dad was telling my mom and when during mid nineties incentives. The gas is expanding exponentially and now anything that each i endured time problems and worries are innovative.
You always wanna have them in your life. Thank you grow up graduate mary music music because which stuff. I was now i knew something was wrong.
The principal energy. Said but your parents havent been able to pay the fee for the past six months and were really sorry we cant push this further. And youre gonna have to go back home.
And i was like wow. More cartoons awesome good could i ask for so things happen like that somehow we managed through school and then i went to high school now life was okay we were managing somehow this is me on the left wearing a holding a bag full of books. Then theres a friend of mine.
Hes holding a gun. So now you can imagine what fate turned us into twelve years later. I am dis and he just became a father of a boy two days ago.
Which means the gun actually worked moving on so now after college. All of my friends moved abroad. Because they went to study.
And i couldnt afford even a karachi university degree. So we decided that i personally decided that i might have to step out and work and support my family. So my uncle was managing this place.
Its called rim gym restaurant and near disco bakery. So he said. Why dont you work for me.
I said all right that sounds fine. And that was the learning curve of my life. Because that taught me to be humble and be positive.
I styled off as a waiter and you may have seen how people treat waiters in our country. Theyre so rude nobody smiles at you nobody says thank you nobody says please we lack basic mannerisms i remember this one time this guy whom he shouted at me. He said.
I dont want this brand of ketchup because the owner is non muslim and i dont want to support him i said okay. But youre drinking cola and youre supporting the jews and i almost lost my job there anyway. The work was fine.
But i wasnt paying enough so after work i used to go to hollywood bakery. Near ablution iqbal. There was this one kebab guy.
He used to make mean bun kebabs. I loved them this one time. I saw him this old guy he was really struggling.
He was working on his own like you couldnt manage the dishes and the order. So he was like you know mixing everything up so. I said to him i said i see you really struggling with work.
He said. Yeah. I had this kid.
He was working for me and then he just ran away he didnt show up for a week and i cant manage so i said do you need help. He said. Yeah sure if you can find someone that would be nice.
I said i can work for you and then he said the most fascinating line ever. He said about paulo yeah applause and i said im actually serious. He said you look like someone from an educated family why would you want to work here.
I said i really need the money and no questions asked see. He said. All right you can start tomorrow.
Ill pay you 30 rupees a day and two undeveloped order like yes. Thats awesome so he was stationed near a lot of coaching centers in goshen and every evening. A lot of students would turn up now as a kid who wanted to study.
But couldnt i always made effort that i could somehow communicate to these kids that im not what you think im one of you so i would always talk to them in english and theyll be surprised wow this one koala. He speaks english right then they would bring all their friends and this is like 2001. So like we didnt have youtube or like viral video phenomena back then otherwise that was a good material so i would i would help them with their calculus.
I would help them with their nomenclature because i spare in science and i would tell them jokes. So before they could ask me what i am and what am i doing here. I will put up an act i would do comedy.
I would start telling jokes and roasting their friends in front of each other and they would enjoy and my employer was happy because i was bringing a lot of business in that area things were working fine until one day this doctor he pulled over and he said come here. He said. What are you doing after work so i said are you asking me on a date.
It was weird. Hes like no i want to talk to you i said okay you can talk right now. He said.
Why are you doing this and i excuse me what do you mean. He said. Why are you working here.
I said whats wrong with earning an honest money then on his buck. Im perfectly fine here no problem my friends know about it my family doesnt know about it because they still assume im working longer shifts at the rim gym place. He said.
I like your attitude in life youre gonna go very further. I said okay can i go to the bank about stall right now because i might lose my turn of events. I got a job decent job.
I was working as a medical transcriptionist. I dont know if you guys know about the profession. It was you used to pay really well.
But then see the question that that occurred to me is the the whole economic system that we live in it only teaches you to be very selfish right. It tells you to get a degree get a job get married have kids get them married die. And youre only thinking about yourself you dont think about how can i impact someone elses life.
So i just say start always used to bother me that im not put in this world to go to a job that i dont like theres more to it and a lot of my friends used to tell me that you have this thing with with telling jokes. Why dont you give comedy. A shot and like yeah.
But im very awkward in front of people. But i gathered my gertz and i did my first set at kiev. I spoke to sabine my mood may she rest in peace.
I called her up and i said i want to do stand up can i perform these. She said. Shes like yeah come over no problem i was very nervous but somehow i managed 12 minutes.
And it was a very good feeling like you know im just standing here saying things and everyone is laughing it was very empowering so further on i i performed at bass rock cafe owned by miss samira suffer and then in lahore. The knowledge factory owned by i sharla now. The whole pattern is all these places were owned by women.
So. What you see now is a product of empowered women right so so when you invest in women and when you let them be they do great things for your country. Im right here as an example so so i was doing comedy in english.
Because my target was to perform. It abroad and like somehow tell the world that you know pakistan is not only about terrorism and bad news. We also have a sense of humor.
So that was that is the reason why i was doing it in english. But a friend of mine. Mr.
Salman as you can see hugging me. He said. We need to reach out to more people and we need to reach out to masses.
So we decided ok lets do something on youtube and the problem again impacts on worries on a joke about you cant talk about politics or religion or anything. So. Whats left is making jokes on women and id tell you what in my experience.
Women are the best people who can take jokes. They actually laugh at all those things so we made this this video and one of the things that was noteworthy about this experience was when i posted this video on facebook. A friend of mine who i went to school with topper excellent student.
He wrote to me and he said what are you doing with your life and i said sorry dad what did you just say hes like youre youre treating life. Very non seriously and thats not the attitude and i ignored him because the message. My uncle taught me at that restaurant.
He said. Its very easy when someone says something to you its very easy to respond. But whats not easy to is to just focus on your work and write let your work do the talking right so i took that lesson very seriously so when my friend confronted me on this.
I didnt say anything he even unfriended me on facebook for years later when this event was announced. He actually reached out to me and he said im pursuing a doctorate degree from this very university is it possible i can meet you after the event and i said sweet life thats the revenge things werent good in karachi. At that point in time so i decided to pursue for employment in dubai.
And heres a nice picture of me and burj khalifa in the back row. What you dont see is the fact that i actually went with no money no contacts and i actually lived with three taxi drivers nothing wrong with that but there were a lot of bedbugs and that was a problem so were like we see like okay someones living in dubai. Oh.
He must be like you know cashing in like living. Like a sheikh. But thats not the reality.
Theres a lot of silence. How many of you have been following me for more than one year. Thats a lot of people at any point were you able to tell that i was actually homeless and i was living in my car for a while was there ever a point that you could say okay this guy might be living in a car.
No exactly because what ive learned is i cannot change my circumstances. I cannot change my problems. I made some wrong decisions.
But where i can change its my attitude towards it right so i know i dont have a solution for my job or the money or the place where to live. But i do have one thing. I have a platform and i can make people laugh.
And make someone elses day better instead of mine. And that makes me happy so. Thats how i used to channelize my happiness through you people so i kept doing stand up in dubai.
And in other countries in the middle east things were great and this friend of mine. I was still doing like stuff on facebook. He once said youre wasting your time on facebook.
Its not gonna take you anywhere. And now he drops me to airport every weekend. Because im travelling for these events.
So theres my answer to him right things were happening really big. I once tweeted a joke and it caught the attention of miz bilaval and he tweeted and then ive sort of invited him to one of my shows. And he actually showed up which was really really random thing to happen.
But then theres something happened you see the guy second from the left my friend nabeel. He died last last december and i couldnt take that news. Very well i spent my nights crying because we hadnt properly met after college because he went abroad and then i moved and somehow we couldnt meet for a long time.
There was this one thing we used to do together we used to talk like a typical karate. Id the mellah accent right and we used to rant about things right and we promised that will meet in cape town because he was working there and were gonna do what we love doing. But sadly he passed away now how am i gonna change that problem into something positive so i started ranting like this what you see lately.
I started to talk like how he liked me to talk assuming. He maybe somewhere out there listening to me ranting and doing what i do so. What we learn from this experience is that like i said the only thing you can change when you have a problem is your attitude towards it right.
There is there is no way youre gonna life is not rosy. Youre gonna have challenges and problems youre gonna have to learn to face it the way everything has humour. Ill tell you everything has the humour.
Ill give you an example one of those days. When i was sleeping in my car its illegal to sleep in your car in dubai. But you can actually fake when a cop comes you can say ive been driving for 200 kilometres and i cannot risk because im sleepy and my home is still 200 kilometers further right so i was sleeping in my car in a in an empty parking lot.
And i had time my brain that im supposed to wake up every 15 minutes to switch off and on the because im supposed to not consume the entire petrol because i didnt have enough money. But one of these times. I slept and i never woke up and then when i woke up in was broad daylight and i was really really scared whats gonna happen and i looked outside and they were like fifty to sixty indian uncles and aunties all wearing pink t shirts and white trousers and they were praying to my car.
Honestly what the hell is going on is this a dream and the judge i just rubbed my eyes and i realized that that place where i was parked was their yoga space applause and they probably came and saw me sleeping and they didnt want to disturb me so this they just gathered around my car and strike do yoga. I was so funny. I woke up and i excused myself i apologized and i drove back and i laughed the entire way what are the odds of sleeping in a parking lot weighing up to tons of indian uncle jeremiah you know sushma todd and do it pray your car and i kept laughing and laughing not remembering why i was there in the first place that i didnt have a home to sleep in and i promised myself last year.
I spoke to this friend of mine and i said its been enough of rough times and next year. Im gonna rule people are gonna make songs about with me and someone actually did by the way it was very funny. Its called funny girl its a rap song.
So and so i made up my mind. And the twist of events and here i am in front of you its been a pleasure making you laugh. And its a its been a great journey.
So what you can take the lesson from this entire journey is that what you see theres like a lot of story behind every comedian or any person of any profession. You meet. Theres been theres been a lot of tears and miseries and emotional rollercoaster.
So when you face something you need to remember one thing. No matter where your life is right now. Its only a chapter and not your entire story and when you face a problem you need to man up or woman up.
If you may and look at the problem in the eye and just say two magical words. Thank you you applause .
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